Que Pasa

Burning pain

     I stood there, shock thundering through my shaking body.  I couldn’t believe this horrible news, it just couldn’t be true.  It’s impossible; the one love of my life could not be gone.  Gone from my life, gone from this world.   I just saw him smiling and laughing, not even two hours ago.  I had just looked into those beautiful light brown eyes.  I just held those soft smooth hands in mine.  I had just heard that soothing soft playful voice call my name.

            This is a dream, no, it’s a nightmare.  This isn’t happening; I can just call him right now, talk to him, and make plans for tomorrow.  But what if he doesn’t answer?  What if he really is gone, gone from the wonderful life we could have had.  I wouldn’t be able to breathe; I wouldn’t be able to live.

            I had so much confusion and pain trapped and bottled inside me and I couldnt take it.  I ran and ran until I felt hot tears running down my cheeks, each bit of sorrow burning through them.  I dropped down to the floor, shaking.  I couldn’t control my body; I was letting it out, letting all the pain and shock out.

     He’s dead.  My head started spin, my heart felt so heavy and empty as I lie their in the street, not being able to control the sorrow and pain.

     I remember today.  He took me to the lake by our school and we took off our shoes and rolled up our pants.  We stepped into the freezing water and felt the fish swim past us as we were balancing on the slimy rocks.

            My feet are still wet, they’re still cold.  But most of all my heart is cold.  It has no feeling, it will never live again.  It will never feel like it felt like with him ever again.  I feel the broken pieces crying as I think about him, I feel it all over my body, and I feel it ripping at my body. 

            I don’t want to believe this, how could something so serious have happened on his way home?  It’s impossible, he was just dropping me off, he hadn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t deserve it, he should have lived.  But it happened, as much as I want to say it didn’t, that we’ll hang out tomorrow and just talk, I can’t, it happened.

● ● ●

            By now I had stopped crying, but I hadn’t bothered to wipe my tears.  I hadn’t bothered to get up even when I felt the soft warm rain drops on my body.  I just needed to rest, to sit down and think of nothing, to just clear my head of all this pain in my heart. 

            The soft warm rain had turned into stabbing icy rain drops that felt as if they were cutting you every time they went past you.  I started to stand up but my legs would still shake under my body.  I collapsed down to the floor and just lay there, in the wet muddy dirt.  I saw a car pass by and recognized it as the car I saw everyday at Michaels house.

            His parents! I need them right now; they’re the only ones that will know what actually happened

            I got up, tears coming back into my tired eyes as I saw Michaels face in his fathers.  I wanted to follow them, wanted to chase them and just ask them, ask them why this had to happen.  Why Michael had to be taken from me in such a horrible way. 

            I started running again, ignoring the pain tearing through my heart down to my legs.  My legs were about to give out under me, I threw myself at the car and when I couldn’t reach, I screamed, screamed out all the pain out of me.  And there I was again, just laying there, in the hard cold wet street, feeling like I was useless now that he was gone, when I saw two pairs of feet, I looked up and saw Michaels parents.

            “Come on Ivanna, you should come with us, you’ll feel better.” Michaels mom said, but I felt like nothing could make me better, nothing could make me happy again, nothing could make me live, I would never be the same, I would never find someone like him, I loved him so much, its impossible for me to love another now.

            Michael’s parents took me into the car and drove off.  I didn’t care where I was going, as long as I was away from where I started off.  As long as I was away from where I had met Michael, away from where we grew up.  Away from where it all happened.  Away from where he had gotten shot in the chest and left there to die.  Away from where his blood still lies and away from where his lifeless body once was.  

            As soon  as we turned the corner, I started sobbing.  It was just  too much, I needed him, I needed him with me, I needed him to come back, to make it all stop, to make the terrrible pain stop.  I let my tears roll down my cheeks and down into my cupped hands.  I caught my tears, keeping them locked as the last memory of Michael.  

            I heard a soft cry.  Michaels mom wiped tears off her face, clearing the way for brand new ones coming from her weary red eyes.  Her husband reached over to her and took her hand in his.  I felt a lump form in my throat.  The though of never again having someone their like michales parents had each other was unbearable.  I stared out of the window, blinking back a stream of tears 

Filed by two26 at April 15th, 2008 under Uncategorized